My journal is primarily friends only. If you would like to be on my list and read my locked updates, please drop me a comment below and I'll probably add you if I already know you. I write a good amount of personal stuff here, so I prefer to keep my list fairly small.

About me: I'm a freelance graphics and webdesigner, computer geek, music lover and fangirl. I love all kinds of music, Lord of the Rings and American Idol and I'm usually preoccupied with various things relating to pop culture. My interests are too numerous to fully list, but I'm open to just about anything and love to explore new things. I maintain several major websites and I love just about anything having to do with computers.

About this journal: I've kept this journal for nearly a decade, though I routinely put much of the outdated stuff on private. I post everything from deep, personal reflection and day to day life to fictional writing, graphics posts and chatter about my various fandoms...pretty much whatever I'm feeling at the time. I tend to be more than a little verbose, horribly sappy at times and obsess like a fiend over the things I love most, but I try to keep things interesting.

I borrowed this idea from Laura and Mary.
I think that whether you're trying to lose weight, gain weight or just be more healthy in general, it's important to start from a positive place.

We all get so caught up in the negative things we feel about ourselves and even if those are coupled with a desire to change, our own criticisms can still be self-defeating. I think we should all recognize and embrace the right to feel good about the way we look, no matter how far we may feel we have to go in some areas.

So, without further ado... 10 things I love about my body:

1.) I love my eyes. They're large, expressive, vulnerable and like Laura, mine have also changed color as I've gotten older. They were hazel as I was growing up but at some point over the last decade, they transformed into a deep forest green. Very unusual color and one I adore.

2.) I love my hair color. My hair itself can be a real pain to deal with, but I think the deep auburn shade is just lovely. It baffles me now that I spent so much time trying to dye it all sorts of weird colors when I was younger.

3.) I love my lips. Soft, plump, pink and beautifully shaped.

4.) I love my bone structure. I love my high cheekbones and having such a small, delicate frame in general.

5.) I love my curves. Another advantage to getting older has been developing those and losing weight everywhere else. I love my figure.

6.) I love my ass. It's really curvy, but naturally that way. I love its firmness and its heart shape.

7.) I love my breasts. Not too big, not too small, nice and firm with pretty little pink nipples.

8.) I love whatever genetic blessing dictated that I would never grow much body hair. The little I do have is very soft, light and fine in texture.

9.) I love my skin. Although it can be extremely dry and sensitive, I've also never had any issue with acne or blemishes. I also love the way it always seems to convince people that I'm younger than I actually am.

10.) I love being small. Not only the small bone structure, but just being little in general. Little hands and little feet, slender and petite. I know it's not very feminist of me, but I absolutely love having that contrast between me and a big, strong man. Makes me feel all girlish and vulnerable and I love the way it brings out the male protective side.

I think I actually have a pretty good self image overall. There are always little things I could nitpick on but for the most part, I'm pretty happy with the way I look.

I'm so glad I've become so much more comfortable in my skin as I've grown up and matured, both physically and emotionally.

I've been thinking about the way I approach my social life.

My tendency to just disappear for a few days at a time is nothing new. I've always been an introvert, at least in the sense that I like a lot of time to myself. People often mistake this as meaning that I don't like to socialize as much as the average person. Not true at all... I think it's just a case of wanting versus needing.

I've always had a habit of turning inward for most things. If I'm bored, my first instinct is to work on a project, read a book, watch a movie, play a game. It doesn't really cross my mind all that often to look to other people to alleviate my boredom. If I'm feeling distressed, angry or confused, I have the overwhelming need to be alone and to sort it all out in my head before I do anything else.

Not to say that I don't rely on others, because I do in my own ways. It's just that looking inward and finding my own solution is always my default response in just about any given situation. So, while I dearly love social contact, I just don't find myself quite as dependent on my friends as I was when I was younger. I talk to others, seek their company reasonably often, enjoy being social... it's just not something I need all the time, when I'm so comfortable with my own company and enjoy doing so many things on my own.

Yes, occasionally I seclude myself if I'm upset or not feeling well, and in those times perhaps I do need to open up and let others in a little bit more.
But most of the time when I disappear, it's just my tendency to get lost in whatever I'm doing at the time. I get pretty obsessed with things if I'm really enjoying myself and it takes me a while to resurface.

I'd think that those who really know me understand my little idiosyncrasies. Sometimes I'm a social butterfly, sometimes I'm completely reclusive. And both are absolutely fine, just different aspects of my personality. I'd hope that people also realize that they can always contact me if they really need me. That social contact isn't necessarily unwelcome during my more solitary moods, just not something that's at the forefront of my mind in those moments.

The thing is, I always find myself apologizing, directly or indirectly, for the times I'm less social than others. Apologizing, explaining, justifying, feeling guilty...
I really need to stop doing that. Because rationally, it's not as if I'm doing anything wrong in the first place, is it?

Hailing from the generation that remembers and loved the era when MTV actually played music videos 24/7, this is a list that just needed to happen.
So, without further ado... my top 15 favorite music videos of all time.

15.) Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time
I was only six years old when this video came out and even then, I remember thinking that Cyndi Lauper was the most beautiful woman in the world. I've always said that if I could look like anyone else, it would be her. This video... it just visually represents all of the things I loved most about the 80s. That beautiful, wild, quirky innocence. Cyndi Lauper was definitely the poster child for that world.


( And all the rest... )

That was extremely hard to narrow down and I'm sure there are a ton I didn't even think of. But a fairly accurate list nonetheless.

** "When Doves Cry" by Prince would've had a very high place among my favorites. Unfortunately though, Prince doesn't allow his videos to be posted on YouTube. **

I don't like cold weather, especially when it's 25°F outside.
But I do like winter.

Sounds a little contradictory, but it's true nonetheless. The world is so much quieter... an interim of resting between the waning of autumn and the waxing of spring. I'm so strongly affected by the seasons that my emotional and intellectual state practically mirrors them at times. Right now as the temperature drops and all is calm and quiet, so much of my restless energy seems to settle down as well.
I can just sit quietly and explore my thoughts and I love it.

Winter may not be my favorite season, but it's definitely my strongest time for clarity and contemplation.

Current introspective question... when did I become so freaking neurotic?
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Worrying more than neccessary applies to everything in my life, really. I need to let go a little more and allow things to happen. Scary concept in some ways, but trying to control, structure and analyze everything to ridiculous degrees hasn't been helping me at all. A lot more good seems to happen when I'm not so worried about making it happen.

And you know what else I realized tonight? This goes double when it comes to my approach to love.
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With love most of all, it's letting it happen that makes it all worthwhile in the first place. It's not negotiated or planned or summarized as a list of pros and cons or possible risks versus rewards. It just happens. It's exhilarating and illogical, uncontrollable and sometimes even ill-advised. And it's not something you can even hope to feel if you're too busy trying to be as cautious as possible and keep a barrier around yourself in the process.

I miss falling in love, no matter how those experiences may have ultimately turned out in the end... so much that all of this carefully cultivated self protection seems entirely foolish in retrospect. Absolutely silly and unnecessary.

One of the biggest things I've always wanted to do was to dress up like a 50s pinup girl.
I absolutely love the lingerie from that time... much more in the way of coverage, but also more sexy, flattering and appealing in my opinion.

I came across this store called Anthropologie online just now and I'm cursing my lack of large amounts of disposable income. Because damn... if I could easily afford an impromptu shopping spree involving $100 underwear, I would clean this place out.


( So, so lovely... )

( Also, some of their dresses are amazing... )

I love pretty clothes, especially when I can't possibly afford them.
One of these days, I really should get back into sewing and make more of my own. I used to be pretty good at it and I'm sure I could duplicate at least the underwear fairly easily.

A friend of mine posted a really cool retrospective, with a summary of each of the last 10 years.
I started working on the same and in typical fashion, mine turned into an epic length novel. One I've decided not to post because, while it was good for me to look back on the monumental amount of changes I've been through in the last decade and how much better off I am as a person in so many ways, it ended up being such a highly personal thing that I'm hesitant to share. I think I'll keep that portion of my end of the year introspection to myself, as it's best suited to personal reflection anyway.

At any rate, I'm more interested in year to come and all of the potential for growth and accomplishment it holds.

So, my top 10 New Year's Resolutions (in no particular order):

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Overall, I'm not coming up with a huge schedule this year. Not going to try and change everything all at once like I usually do, ending up sabotaging myself in the process. Not going to worry or stress or get angry at myself , expecting myself to radically transform my life in a short period of time instead of going at a comfortable pace that's a lot more logical and potentially successful in the long run anyway.

Because the fact remains, on January 1st or any other day of the year, I am a work in progress. And whether that progress is major at times and minor at others, huge strides or baby steps, what matters most is making sure I'm always headed in the direction I'm wanting to go.

In what has become an annual tradition, I've put all of my past LiveJournal entries on private.
The general point of doing this each year is to leave the past behind, move forward, change and grow and start the new year with a clean slate. More symbolic than anything else, but it works well for me.

In the upcoming year, I'd also like to start syndicating my posts from LiveJournal to Facebook.
It's become somewhat of a dilemma. I love LiveJournal. I love the posting format, everything about it. But in terms of staying in touch with people, I do most of that on Facebook these days. So this seems to be a happy compromise... leaving room to share my posts on both, while still giving me the privacy of protected posts over here should I need it. And I should really share more on both sites, so this seems like a great way to do it.

At any rate, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday!